To people I look like a normal 22 year old. Working, having a boyfriend, going out but deep down inside I ain’t.. To people who know me and love me know that the past few years have been the hardest of my life to date..
One day I just woke up. I went downstairs made my cereal. A normal day in my books. But suddenly I passed out. I whacked my head. I remember nothing until I woke up with paramedics around me. I was scared. I just cried and cried.
I didn’t know what happened. I just had a banging headache. My tongue was sore and I was in hospital.. at 18 years old this wasn’t what I wanted. Fast forward around 6 months later after brain scans and ECG and EEG. I was told I had epilepsy. No I’ve never known about this or what it is and I was so scared. I was told i had got it from dads side. I was told I’d be on tablets for the rest of my life. I just broke down. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I wasn’t me. After that I had more seizures because my tablets wasn’t working. Again and again hospital after hospital.
I would hate myself. Wake up everyday thinking I could have a fit and die. My little brother has seen me have them and that breaks me. Going through a seizure can last anything from a few seconds to minutes. You start shaking and then pass out on the floor. For people with it. We can’t remember a thing. We wake up. Tired. Headache. Sore tongue. Told to rest for 48 hours and sent away. It’s horrible. There’s no cure. There’s nothing.
A lot of people don’t understand it and for many people it’s life. We live with it. I’m now on tablets that work twice a day. I haven’t had a fit in over a year. It scares me that I will be on tablets forever. It scares me I might pass it on to my own kids.
I have epilepsy. I have anxiety about fitting in public. The bumps and bruises I have to explain. The embrassing things that happen during a seizure. Headache, biting your tongue maybe even choking on it, weeing yourself because you have no control over your body, the aching bones, the tiredness after a fit, the worried family. It never gets easier. I have just learnt to live with it. I have an incredible family and an amazing boyfriend who are so important and caring.
I’m Jenny. I’m 22. I have epilepsy but I’m alive. I’m living a life I want and enjoy my job. I make memories that will last a lifetime. I just have an illness that will be with me forever but I’m in control. If you ever see someone fitting or having a seizure in public just think they might not be drunk they might have epilepsy and help them because we are all human and it’s just a horrible illness.
I’m me. I’m happy. My life might have changed but maybe it’s for the better? I don’t know. I’m still learning.
That was my story and hope it makes people understand about epilepsy but also about people who may not know me and see that I am a normal happy girl but I do have epilepsy.