Coping With Grief.

At some point in our lives we will lose someone we love it’s just the way life is but it doesn’t matter how much you can prepare yourself knowing someone you love is going to die, it can hit you like a ton of bricks.

This is what happened to me at age 13, I knew that my grandma had cancer and it was incurable but I tried so hard to think there is something they can do, there must be. I remember the day she died so clearly. My mum sat me down and told me she had passed. I just burst into tears and I couldn’t believe that she was gone.

What is grief?

Grief is so hard to explain because everyone experiences it in a different way. Grief is not just one feeling it can be a range of different emotions from anger to sad to guilt. You can sometimes blame yourself for their death and this is just natural grief but just remember it was never your fault because that was me for a long while.

The different stages of grief. 

You see a lot of people talk about the different stages of grief but I also want to say again everyone is different and people cope in different ways. The first stage is Denial you try to force yourself to believe that it didn’t happen and that was me for a long time until it was the funeral I suddenly realised I wouldn’t see her again. The second stage is Anger you will be angry at everyone and everything but trust me it will past! The third stage is Bargaining now this one I never really felt but I looked it up and it’s all about making the most of the time you have and visiting the sick people you care about in life. The fourth stage is Depression I never felt as low as I did then when my grandma died, i felt like just ending my life and being with her and that’s something I’ve never openly said.. The final stage is Acceptance now this one took me a while to accept that I would never see her again but now I just remember the good memories and talk about what we did together. That way she is always with me and I can accept that she may be gone but she’s always with me. h

How I dealt with grief. 

People will constantly tell you how to cope with grief and different ways to get “over it” but let me be real for a minute, you will never get over it you just learn to live with it and you’ll be able to finally say ” I’m ok now”. Anyway the ways I dealt with grief was first and foremost take as much time as you need, you can’t just try and move on straight away it’s impossible so don’t feel guilty if people are able to move on before you, it;s not a race. Look after yourself is one of the most important ones and something that I didn’t do very well with, I cut people off I didn’t eat, I was hurting myself I just didn’t want to deal with or have to talk about it. I just hid away and I regret that so much. My best advice is to talk about how you feel, don’t shut people off. Finally it’s ok to ask for help if you feel really down or have suicidal thoughts talk to a doctor. Just be open and honest, talk about memories, look at old pictures and just remember the good times and soon you’ll feel yourself being able to deal with the grief.

The bottom line of grief is everyone is different and everyone deals with it in a different way and no matter how you deal with it just know it will get better with time and don’t rush yourself, forgive yourself for not saying the things you think you should’ve. Whatever you feel is best for you do it whether that’s talking with family, going to the gym, crying, or looking at old photos use it. Remember their birthday’s and do something nice with that day. They may not be here anymore but they do live on in our hearts.

Since losing my grandma at 13 and losing my auntie at 21 it really made me think the little things don’t matter, the stupid arguments mean nothing. Spend time with the important people in your life and tell them you love them because that’s all that really matters.

Look after each other, love each other and live everyday like it’s your last.

Jen x